Did it involve flailing around nearly naked in a pool with 200 strangers? If not, then maybe it's time you waddled over for YOUR first triathlon - like I did Saturday.

BEFORE:

The coolest thing is they mark you. They write your number on your shoulders and legs, so they can better identify your lifeless body later in the day. Then - and I AM NOT KIDDING HERE - they mark the back of one leg with YOUR AGE! How cool! Now you have the answer to that question you always have during races - "Wow - that one is sure cute/good looking/death warmed over. Wonder how old he/she is?"

Hint: It's really hard to read the age while they are swimming or running. Better to wait until the transition area or better yet, the awards ceremony.

Spent the rest of the time asking questions about how the swim would work and looking over the setup in the transition area. Apparently it is VERY important the order you put things in on your little towel. I just wandered around and listed to people talk about their stuff. Triathletes have a lot of stuff. Like belts and clips and even bikes that weigh less than the ca$h it took to pay for them.

THE SWIM:

OK - this was a Southern Tri. Really, nearly a redneck tri. You see, the swim (500 yds) was in an outdoor community pool. No lane markings, so they used ropes held with - you guessed it - duct tape. Then since the end of the pool had no markings (increasing the chances of head flattening) they made some of those crosses at the end of the lane that others (not me) aim for on your flip turn with - right again - duct tape!

We started at 15 second intervals. The pool was about 5 degrees above absolute zero - there were chunks of ice we had to dodge. OK, it really wasn't THAT cold, but I will tell you that when we came out of the water at the end of the swim we were to call our number out to the scorer.
Mine came out (very) soprano.

I got passed by about 5 ladies - like I was standing still. I passed one guy. He was holding on to the end of the pool around lap 6 (of 13 laps).
I think he was going to take a smoke break.

It was a zoo. Waves slightly larger than those caused by a hurricane. You had to swim down and back in one lane, go under the rope, then hit the adjacent lane. Head-on collisions, slapping and bumping. Sorta like NASCAR in the water. Lost all semblance of form halfway through and switched to survival mode. Sure wasn't like all those practice swims by myself in a nice DEEP pool. This one was shallow enough at one end that my (sleeve length 36) arms scraped the bottom at the turnaround.

Came out of the water (slightly dazed and staggering) and meandered over to the transition area. Wanted to run, but it was hard enough just standing!

T1: SWIM TO BIKE. There were people there who had their shoes already clipped into their bike pedals. Since I started WAY back - like #180 - I got to watch a lot of the fast people in the transition area. They were awesome! Some just threw the bike up on their shoulder and RAN out of the transition area!

Me? I came in, flopped down on the ground, drank some gatorade, considered a nap, pulled on biking shorts, put on socks and bike shoes, helmet, thought about nap again, and finally got going. My T1 was about the same time the fast ones took to finish the whole ride!

BIKE RIDE: 20K of hills and more hills. Got passed by a VERY cute and VERY fast young lady very early in the ride. Male ego hit and I sprinted to keep up with her. Yes, she was old enough to be my daughter. Male ego gave out after about 50 yards and I settled back to my pace. Finally passed about 4 people - all on mountain bikes. Got passed by a few guys and gals, but each one at an awesome rate. I swear one actually was going so fast he (she?) created wake turbulence. Pedaled along for a while with the guy I met in the swim queue who was a few years older than me. Finally passed someone on a road bike, a college kid who was also doing his first tri. BIG hill at the end, then coast to the grass to dismount. Did so gracefully, despite my fears that I would forget to unclip!

BTW - another note for voyeurs - the really fast ones ride the bike in their (tiny) swimsuits. So the scenery is great, whether you're a girl or a guy...

T2: BIKE TO RUN. By the time I came in they had cranked up the grill right beside the transition area. Triathletes really have better goomies and food than runners! I started to grab a cheeseburger or two but resisted. Got off the biking shorts (running shorts still on underneath) - changed to running shoes. I had done the swim in running shorts (not brave enough for the Speedo yet) so this transition was much faster. Wobbly legs, headed out for the run.

RUN: 5K. More hills. Legs had very little feeling. No pain, but no spring either. Because of the staggered start you were actually running a time trial, so you have no idea who you are ahead or behind. Shaded course, couple of BIG hills. Legs finally loosened up and were feeling good - with 1/2 mile to go! Paced myself, talked to everybody, cheered on the ones who passed me, encouraged a couple who had started walking.
Found some more first timers. Finish line looked great, they announced everyone's name and home town as you came in!

Times: I wasn't sure what a goal would be, hoped for 1.5-2 hours. Actual times were:

13:55 500 yd swim
4:20 T1 - told you I wanted a nap
41:32 20K bike - 17.9 mph
2:02 T2
25:23 5K 8:12 mpm
1:27:12 Total

Good enough for 5th place in my age group! Yep - you guessed it. Only 5 in my age group. This was a much younger crowd than running. In running I'll have to keep my same pace until I'm 85 to ever win a medal. At this Tri I actually beat the 3rd place guy only 2 age groups up from mine!

AFTER THE RACE: Two highlights. First, they put postcards addressed to the sponsors so you could write them a thank you note. Neat idea.
Second, first competitive event where iced down Mountain Dew (and Diet Pepsi) was waiting! Cool.

SUMMARY: Most fun I've had in a long time. Went by myself, no friends to support, and felt very welcome, especially by the race volunteers. Like Josh, lots of bike envy, but I had a blast with my plain ol' road bike.
DEFINITELY need more time in the pool. Next October there is a 1/2 Ironman in Raleigh. Sounds like a good goal to shoot for. Penguins, if you get a chance to Tri it in your area, you will find Triathlons to be tons of fun!